Trash to Treasure

Whoever coined the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” probably had small children. Kids, after all, are completely fascinated by what most adults consider trash. Cardboard, especially in its most gigantic form, can occupy an entire day. They spend hours popping bubble wrap, meticulously poking each inflated circle and protesting any attempts to discard the limp piece of plastic left behind. Shoe boxes, chopsticks, old hats and empty milk cartons enter their hands and become something entirely different, their imaginations adding new life, and usually some sort of insect, to items that we would typically dispose of.

This fascination, however, rarely works both ways. Adults find the trash of children…well…gross.

“Here, hold this,” our then, two-year-old stated simply, extending his chubby fist.

I opened my hand and a piece of chewed up graham cracker wetly kissed my palm.

“Uhhh…thanks!” I answered, rushing to rinse it off.

Later, our six-year-old exclaimed, “Mommy, I’m done with this, you can have it.” She placed a half-eaten granola bar in my purse.

It’s the thought that counts.

The tendency of children to keep trash and the desire of grown-ups to throw it away collide somewhere inside the family minivan, or more specifically, somewhere deep between its seat cushions. Inevitably, a quarrel over what should be kept and what should be tossed begins with a friendly game of Find that Smell.

The game, Find that Smell, begins with the press of a button and an idle sniffing of the air. Participation is announced by uttering the phrase, “Holy crap! What the heck is that?” Similar phrases such as, “$%^&! Something must have died in here!” are acceptable, but only if articulated by a person who is authorized to perform a search of the vehicle. The conclusion of Find that Smell occurs when one participant shouts, “EEEEWWWW!” Please note that if a participant passes out before the smell is found, he or she will be disqualified.

So, when my husband opened the driver side door, sniffed the air and declared, “Holy #$%^! Did you spill milk in here?” I KNEW the game was on!

I aggressively ripped out car seats. After all, as most moms know, the undercarriages of car seats are rich locations for disgusting items that children would like to keep, but that we would like to throw away. The removal of these seats revealed crayons, crumbs, crumpled paper and old dingy toys, all of which lay cringing from the sunlight. Finding nothing during this first pass, I redirected my plan of attack.

Our eldest is fairly neat. While we might find the odd booger on a pillow, she typically throws trash away and keeps the bugs outside. Our youngest was only two. Therefore, most objects that he would have with him in the car would be chaperoned by us. That left our six-year-old, the animal, bug, and condiment lover.

So, poised above the bench seat where her booster was typically perched, I thrust my hands between the cushioned van upholstery. Unfortunately, I performed this act without gloves, a common mistake of Find that Smell that often leads to disqualification.

“EEEEWWWWW!!!! Oh my GAWD! What IS THIS?!” I exclaimed.

The game was over. I had won.
“What is it?” my husband asked. Then, he called to our six-year old. She came trotting over, her little brown curls bobbing in the breeze.

“Did you put this in there? What is that?” he asked.

“I dunno…” she answered.

Flipping the object over, I determined that, at one time, it had been some sort of open condiment container. Mayonnaise? Ranch? I wasn’t sure.

“Well, whatever it is, you can’t keep food in the car. It makes things stinky!” He said.

I moved to throw it away as she stared curiously at me with her giant blue eyes.

“Mommy, you can’t throw that out. What will I use for my French-fries?”